The Alien Rituals
I am sitting here listening to the amazing song “I Have Loved You Into Oblivion” by Amorphous Androgynous and getting wicked zooted on flax cereal. I feel healthy and 2.0 but what’s really going on is that I’m probably simultaneously developing breasts and breast cancer. I read somewhere that flax is actually bad for you but that is irrelevant because marketing is everything, but it’s also important to make note of because marketing is everything. Now I will delve with surgeon’s latex gloves on into the material that I would like to get at you with today.
We can make a few assumptions about any alien race that has mastered the technology of Faster-Than-Light-Travel, or FTLT. Their technology is certainly so advanced that they have seen the universal, natural conclusion of the inception of the field of robotics that we’ve seen in this country. (At this point you’re probably thinking to you’reself that these words are a pile of shit, and that I’m dumb, which may or may not be true, but if your so smart then you should be able to take these words and unravel them and make them make sense, and write your own Really Good Essay—maybe you can email this to me).
So our alien visitors, who may or may not be our alien conquerers, have mastered robotics and artificial intelligence and they are some #SWAGGED out hyphy robo-lord-ass-nigaz. They have robots to bring them snacks, robots to design and build other robots, AI to make the decisions and more AI to make sure the original AI doesn’t go rogue and kill everybody. The raw materials are harvested by robots, the products are designed by robots, any and all labor that was previously done by the aliens is done by robots.
The aliens are left with tons of free time to do whatever they want. We have some experience with this in our own society. There are plenty of people who all they have to do is take out the garbage occassionaly or maybe buy their parents some nice gifts on holidays. Because we know what these people (in our own society) do, we can make a few easy assumptions about the aliens.
When we are visited and possibly conquered by aliens, they probably try to share with us their alien version of recreational competitive sports and malnutritious liquids (CoD no-scope headshots, football, Mtn. Dew). If we think any of the alien stuff is dumb I’m sure they will call us fags and vaporize us, which is what we deserve.
